you

make me happiest.

thank you thank you thank you.

i really

need to pack and do my nails.

mani & pedi!

like packing first.

but i really don't want to get up. i hate gettting up.

but packing is always kind of fun so i don't know. i need to search for a bag 

because my dad didn't get one down for me before he left, and i sense that

i might fall off a ladder or something trying to get one.

i am so

very happy with you.

for many a reasons.

mostly because its really nice to know that the favor, that feeling, is returned.

i have never met that feeling until now.

nor someone like you.

on a different note, (lolz)

tonight was so fun! i had such a wonderful time with all of you and we had great laughs, and everyone was in a jolly mood and i just felt so happy to be with you all.

you are such great friends, and i really want you to know that i feel so lucky to have every single one of you as a friend. i love you all for so many different reasons.

goodnight.

exchanges

that will stay with me for a very long time.

today was good and today was happy. 

last night was 3 hours of lots of different emotions

most on the scale from happy to overwhelmed with joy.

i like you

and this.

the best part was that you said the same too.

when you said i make you that happy

something went off inside that made me think

things will be okay from now on. i trust you.

its great to feel this way, i've never really thought i that i could feel this way

i guess i never expected you to happen.

oh gosh. those things you say to me.

man oh man.

i am nothing special to you i just realized. you couldn't care less about me.

it just hit me. you mean so much to me

and i mean so little to you. 

"naww you nothing."

"come over."

how ironic

that this song would come up.

it hurts to know that when we first met

you really really liked me.

and now i think you hate me.

GODDAMNIT.

i will seriously be in regret for a long fucking time.

next week i'm going to contemplate all week long about what i did wrong.

starting right now while i'm falling asleep.

oh

and by the way

fuck you and your selfish ways.

it turns out like this.

after much debate, i have decided to be over you.

officially.  i realize that you aren't as great of a person as i thought you were.

you are, but you have alot of bad things about you also. so,

i am done with you. 

you told me that you know i like you and so now its just lolz@you

for being a jerk to me. and leading me on.

i learned alot from you and at the same time i saw everything that 

i have always wanted to see in someone and you made me realize

that i should not ever fall for someone. i am so sick of this stupid chase,

not just with you but with every single boy i have ever liked. its always chase

chase chase and no action and that makes me so upset, and hurts me above all things.

it has been so long since i have liked someone as much as you. and you don't know that.

but you made me feel a way that no one, no boy has ever made me feel. and that is what

i liked about you so much, and those two days were possibly the greatest i have ever felt

in my whole entire life. you made me feel so happy and i had so much fun, and i know you did.

i KNOW you did. i hope i never forget the things you did and what we said to eachother. 

i am positive i will never feel that way again. not for a very very long time.

definitely never again this year, and definitely not again in the next few years.

i always wondered what will become of my romantic life, and now i know.

now i know to shut it off, and i remembered why i tuned out liking boys

and feelings that built up over the years. now i know why i tuned those out

because they all came out when i met you and because you seemed so perfect.

you seem so perfect. there are alot of things about you that are perfect even.

but it is my loss i guess. i lose you and all the things i really like about you, and all the things that you dont understand that i like about you. things i have told you and you get.

i think you are bipolar. i think you're adorable. i think you're sweet. i think you hide your feelings. i think you like to manipulate girls. i think you know how to you are.

i think you use what you have wrongly, and you know what you are doing everystep of the way.

its only the beginning of the summer and i have already been through a roller coaster of emotions that i haven't felt in a really really long time. this week has been so bittersweet it eats me up inside. 

no one will ever understand what i felt for you, and no one will understand the convorsations that we had. 

they ment alot to me, and it hurts more than anything to think that they didn't mean a fucking thing to you.

i will forever wonder what it would have been like to date you.

i will forever remember the day when we were. 

i will forever miss that way you made me feel on the phone. 

i will forever miss the things you said to me.

i will miss you and alot of things about you for a really really long time.

probably far into the end of the summer. 

i hope one day that i can find someone who genuinely likes me,

and can make me feel the way you did.

that's all i ask, but maybe i don't deserve it or something. there has to be some reason that i have no luck with boys.

perhaps my personality is more obnoxious then i have previously thought

or my looks are horrid and i'm oblivious to it.

i'm just sick of waiting around for someone and i gave up looking a LONG fucking time ago.

so there.

how fucking dramatic is this sounding. i don't even want to know.

the sad part is, this is exactly how i feel. from da heart and stuff.  god i'm such a girl.

meanwhile he is probably off like looking in the mirror.

being a mother fucking DICK.

okay BYE. MOTHERFUCKER

i possibly hate you.

ugh.

god damnit. 

you make me so pissed off.

so

pissed off.

you are rude and you are stupid and you are just

ughhhhhh

get away from me 

you make me feel so weird and like

i don't want to talk to you right now. you make me so upset.

FUCK THIS

YOU KNOW WHAT NOW IM JUST PISSED OFF.

i'm so angry. i'm not going to talk to you for a very long time

IM SO MAD

GAHHHHHHHHH WHY WHY WHY

this is so stupid.

i'm not talking about this anymore. i'm to pissed off.

maybe

i deserve this. maybe i was really wrong in the first place.

maybe i should stick to what i know and that is being alone.

i want a hug, more than anything.

you

confuse me more than any other person 

i have ever met in my whole 16 years of living.

you make me anxious because i have been able to figure

out every single friend i have ever had in my life.

except you. i don't know why and i dont know how.

but you make me feel so nervous about the future.

i can't figure you out, but you said the same thing about me too.

you told me you don't know what i'm going to say next and that you have 

never met a person where that happens. you said you don't know if that 

is a good thing or not. neither do i.

it just makes me nervous, really really nervous.

i realized

today i felt so badly.

all day i felt this way.

i don't feel good about myself right now.

things

are shitty.

and its never ever going to be the same.

you probably hate me by now.

or are just extremely annoyed. and doing the avoidance thing

dont do that to me

i'm a winner i promise.

come back

and sit with me again.

come back and swing in the chair with me again.

come back and hit your head on the glass window again

and make me laugh, and put your arms around me again.

no one has ever looked at me the way you do.

you don't know how that makes me feel.

no one. you aren't faking that look.

thats not something you throw around. i can tell.

i want you next to me right now. so fucking bad.

im in

the biggest rut.

i'm at a total loss of what to do

how to act

what to say

when to do it.

i have so much more to say and i can never tell if you do.

i need to see you again, and again.

thats the only time when i am happy.

i wish everytime i talk to you

it could be like the last few days.

i don't want to push anything and i know you dont, but you do when we are together.

this isn't fair to me.

maybe

i am just saying the wrong fucking things.

i need something else to say

besides that.

i don't get YOU.

you you you you you

only in one on one you.

only in person you.

thats how it should always be.

you told me to say gt more

god

damnit

this will  never happen again probably. the past 24 hours won't happen again.

orchard

fucking supply.

is it possible

to have to many good things happen at once?

all of this, is such a 

such a

something like this

things like this

happen to everyone but me.

but now its happening?

my luck is good, my luck is to good. the timing, the people, the hugs, the almost kisses, the swinging benches, the comfort.

the motherfucking comfort.

thats something i never want to leave, ever. that's what the wait is fucking for.

bittersweet.

things like that, moments like those, i wish could happen everyday.

i wish i could feel like i just did everyday and have that much fun everyday.

i hope i acted right, i hope i said the right things.

i just felt like i was myself

i felt like i've never met anyone that great before.

i'm so scared i will never have another time like that.

i want to again and again and again. and i hope i'm not 

the only one feeling this way like always.

i am scared.

horoscope.

Someone you thought you knew inside and out will surprise you today. Enjoy it.

maybe it could be the opposite? maybe it could be what it actually means.

this is actually really exciting. i love this.

theres always

those plans that are made but never happen.

you know the ones.

i like the weekdays because my parents aren't home.

and people can come and visit me.

and i can walk to chris's.

how i wish

i could be that one you wanted to accompany you.

LOLZ

AYO

SUCH A GREAT DAY

what a great conclusion.

to a great fucking day.

the phone calls make up for every fucking thing.

this is simply wonderful.

i'm so happy right now.

aye

forever feeling like this

would be a life led horribly.

i guess i just dont really know how to fix my feelings

or how i feel about

this......

i wish things were better and that i was a more interesting and engaging person.

except im not so i guess i will just have to deal with that.

all i do

is lag lag lag lag lag

all i do is make exuses alot.

and it makes me lag

and people lose interest.

no wonder i always end up in this type of situation.

people get bored and its no fucking mystery why.

im boring and  i lag. 

ASDKLFJALKSJD

AGAIN

FUCK WAITING

fuck texting

fuck that fuck that fuck that

meh meh meh mehhhh

get out of my head you're making me feel bad.

its all

a little complicated.

sometimes its great and somtimes its like

ughhhhh

most of the time its

ugh.

whywhywhywhywhywhywhy

thank you

karma.

fuck

waiting.

fuck texting.

squirm

i shouldn't even be talking about this.

it will probably amount to nothing and i will end 

up feeling like a really really huge idiot.

but i already do.

rur

things

make me smile.

and make me think.

i don't even know.

no one knows.

i do, i dont know what i know, but i think it's something.

maybe its nothing and i will just be dissapointed, but i don't want to be.

i probably will be.

whaaat

ever.

today was weird but i mean, it was.

and when he said that i just felt really really happy.

i shouldn't even be thinking about this, it will make it worse.

booyah

:)

so.

happy.

so

weird.

!!!!!!!!

perhapsperhapsperhapsperhapsperhaps

????????????

:)

meh

i never feel like writing blogs.

ever. evereververeverever

i feel like it takes to mch time or like

i dont even know. i never have anything to write about anyways.

my life is so boring. 

right now im watching the mtv movie awards. its not even interesting.

i had a weird but exciting phone convorsation today.

i dont even want to talk about it. its hard to explain

thingsare confusing these days anyways. 

i like the clothes i bought today.

maybe if i dont get lazy i will find the links and post them.

yeah

k

bye

i can't tell.

i really wonder if samantha was right.

if she was. if they are.

i just wonder.

and wonder

and can never ask because

for awkward moments would arise, as well as deinal

oh well.

maybe in good time.

que chevre!

maestro is such a good teacher.

but so is senora tchir. 

today, when i was signing her card, it all became so realistic.

and i realized that she won't be coming back. and i will never see her around

campus anymore, and i will never get to visit in maddies spanish class anymore, and i will

never get to bring her lolcatz.

nothing. and it makes me so so sad.

i really liked her, and i'm really going to miss her.

no teacher for spanish three will ever live up to her.

i was really looking forward to having her as a teacher again.

and now i wont be able to.