what do i do.

this is what it is. i don't know how i feel.
but this is what it is.

i know you didn't forget about me, but you most surely and probably moved on. i didn't, so its really sad to think about you moving on....
i don't really know what to think. all those kids don't matter. they don't matter at all. i should just stick to what i know and accept the fact that you were 1 in a million and something like that will never, ever, ever happen to me again. i should accept the fact that i will never ever have a boyfriend in high school, no matter how close i come. and you were pretty close.

now i don't even want to call you, because i'm scared. i'm scared for what would happen, i'm scared for how you would react. i'm scared for what you would say to me. what you would do. would you hang up or would you talk with me for a long time.
i'm just scared and worried and really upset because i KNOW things will not turn out how i would like, they never do.

things always go how they did with this, it will get really good, really really good, and then it will get unbelievably good. and then all of a sudden i will do or say something wrong or something will happen so it all goes down hill. and then it gets bad, and then it gets extremely bad and i dont know what to do with my self at the point where it gets that bad; which is happening now.

i want to turn back to the beginning of the month where it was you and me and nothing else seemed to matter.
i want to turn back to the night before i left, and what i said. that was also a mistake.
i.just.miss.you.

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN.
you, me < never.









frown :[