outz

one thing that makes me mad is reading shit like that.
it makes me feel so bad about my life, and it makes me feel
like i have nothing to do and am so worthless and unhappy.
i feel like i have nothing in my life that really makes me
extremely happy; but then again i can look at my life and see
things that i should be happy for.

there is just a piece that feels missing and makes me feel
incomplete, i can place my finger on it slightly but i don't know
if i want to put it down in words like this. I just feel badly a lot.
i don't know why, but i rarely feel like "wow, i'm so happy right now"
and maybe i'm not supposed to, maybe things are just supposed to be like
that in life and it's just part of growing up that you have to realize this.
but i know the feeling of being really happy with your life, and i have felt that
only briefly all summer. but i know what it feels like, when its for an extended
period of time.
and i know how i can have that feeling.

talking to you really makes me feel really happy. i never ever would've thought
you would do this, but you make me feel good about myself. and sometimes you
say things that are out of character and i love those moments best.
i like you alot and i hope our relationship stays this way for a while. i don't know
anyone like you really, so i don't want that to change. you make me happier than
a lot of people i know.

i want something more permanent. that's all i need.
something constant would be a nice change, it would make me happy.
i know it would