i am sitting here, cuddled up in my bed with my
new comforter, and all these pillows. i'm so comfortable here.
i feel so happy just sitting here, with my water bottle and ice bat
and all these nice sheets.
something inside me still feels scared. i feel uneasy and scared for a reason
that i can't really identify. i'm nervous for this year, i'm nervous for what the future will throw at me. i'm scared how i will look in a year, i'm scared for how my emotions will act, but mostly
i'm scared to grow up, i don't want to grow up. i don't want to move on from high school
or the people or where i am in my life right now. i like being a child and i like being under
my parents rules. i like returning to a house with filled with family at the end of the day
and i like running around.
i don't want to move on to a being an adult. i'm not ready. i'm not ready to look at colleges
and i'm not ready to take ap tests.
i'm not a school person. i'm just not. all the effort i put in gets me no where close to where you
are. its how i am and i have learned how to accept that. but i am ready to move away from school.
i have plans for what i want to do after school, i'm just scared to talk about them. i don't feel
confident about my future, but i know where i might go.
i'll talk about this one day, but for now i will listen to you talk about your future; i know you're more sure than i will ever be.
so for now i will listen to my sigur ros, and i will think about the present. i will foucus on what i am doing now, what is going on around me. i want to enjoy living, and i do'nt want to look back on my adolesence and wish i had lived more. this summer i grew up in so many ways, i learned so many things and i expirienced things i always wished would happen. i made alot of new friends, i was in alot of different situations, and it was all things that helped me grow up. i just don't want to miss out on anything, i don't want my life to move to fast and i dont knoooooooow
my music is making me so happy right now
i just want to feel like you made me feel again. soon, it has to be really really soon.
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1 comment:
i was listening to twilight as i read this.
and i had no idea that you felt this way until our phone conversation tonight!
id love to hear about what you want to do in the future, because i really think you can do anything. People are not judged by the amount of Aps they ace.
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