before sleeping

god damnit i miss your hugs.

and your arms.

that one look too.

get munz face

awuh :(

.

"it's really about the imperfections. the imperfections are the things that are meant to be. the rest is just what society foarces on you."

"some girls want a boy for the label. some girls want a boy to release out some tention on. and some girls just want to fill a missing peice, and sometimes when that peice is filled that get clostrphobic, or sometimes they realize they are incomplete without it. and the longer that peice stays there, the harder it is to let go."

everyone stop what you are doing

and listen to this song.

while procrastinating for an essay

i just want to get these done so i can leave the house and go over

and then go to aptos.

ruby sits at my feet and i hope we end up getting a new fridge.

after a BK run at 10:30

"i'm going to get my squirt tomorrow. actually, i'm packing tomorrow. i'm going to get my squirt in three weeks!!"

i see that way you look at me.

it's there. it is.

before dinner

you know the phrase "you can't have your cake and eat it too?"

my actions can't always be intended to spread happiness for all.

"shut up"

I don't recall a single care 
Just greenery and humid air 
Then Labor day came and went 
And we shed what was left of our summer skin 

On the night you left I came over 
And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders 
Our brand new coats so flushed and pink
And I knew your heart I couldn't win
Cause the season's change was a conduit 
And we'd left our love in our summer skin

stay healthy

sleep well

drink water

rest before sleeping

release stress.

i like

the way this might be looking up...

this day.

i feel content, i don't feel stressed, i don't feel rushed.

i don't regret our conversation last night,

for once.

i need to make some changes.

and put a smile on because lately i haven't,

i'm sorry i've been so terrible lately. 

STUPID MEGAN FOX

why.

oh boy.

SERIOUSLY?!

y-b

you kind of care, but never fully will.

its always partial, never whole.

i want the entirety. 

where i can.

you have a boyfriend, and that makes me jealous.

it's probably perfect and you're just one of those people

that always have a boyfriend. always. why?

i want us to be like that.

we're so close. but i need you so much closer.

the begining

of manhattan, the first few seconds, always make me feel like it's alright.

theres only a few songs that do that.

ovz this

ovz you

and ovz school

and ovz this night

and ovz feeling this way all fucking day.

let tomorrow come after 3:00, let us look beautiful

tomorrow and let us all get along and be so very very happy.

let us not care about anything. let me talk to you tonight

let me be happy tomorrow.

hey look

i'm on the phone with you right now.

aw

this, this is really something pretty.

near/far

all i could ever want is

to sleep near you. whenever that happens

i feel infinite happiness, and then i think for a moment

about how in a day i will want that moment back forever.

how do i learn how to love things in the moment?

do you know how?

because i haven't learned that yet, infact, it's gotten a lot worse over 

the past few months. 

but in those times, you looking at me like that.

you lying on me like that. lying on you. 

belt buckles and arm crossing and leaning

and your eyelashes, the kind ynez goes crazy over.

now i know what she means. 

that one look you give me.

all i want is to have you next to me, no ones around so you

don't get conscious about me. that look you give me when you are,

just come over, sit next to me on this pillow. 

what if you were.

"i'd let you sleep on me if there was no room for me"

awuh awuh awuh 

all this makes me want to blush.

keep on.

manhattan;

it's been a while.

i want a scent. do i have a scent?

as in when you smell something of mine, do you think

"oh that smells like ava." or something. 

i just want to know if i have one.

if you let me know, i will try and describe yours.

all ears

i feel sad right now.

drop of a hat, flick on a switch kinda thing.

again, priorities. last night i was one,

tonight i am obviously not. change this, just change it.

because things were good yesterday, and good last night.

this morning, whatever you call it i guess. it was just how

i wanted it to be. you change a lot.

i can not listen to so here we are anymore.

that song will be the death of me i think.

things

listen to your self.

listen to your responses

and listen to your tone of voice.

if you take a moment to hear things

that come out of your mouth, things that

are being communicated to other people,

you will only gain something. 

something a lot more.

think about this.

i should know

everything in the end
will usually be alright.






look lively,
think brightly.

wah

"absence does make the heart grow fonder."



i just wonder what this will all amount to in the end.
when is the end?
i don't want it to near. i want to see light, i want to
feel happiness, i want to feel at peace and i want
to feel like everything is okay.
those feelings i do not know well.

pagando

http://www.swissarmy.com/MultiTools/Pages/Product.aspx?category=everyday&product=54751&


i want this if i can't find my dad's old one.

oh.

i want to cry

saturday night is just like every other night for me.

I don't need people all over me on Saturdays.


So keep Qing.

that really sealed the deal for me.
REALLY sealed the deal.



thank you for making me feel the worst i have felt in weeks.

gloss

i want to scream i want to yell i want to hide
i want to cry and cuss and then mostly i just want to cry



i haven't cried once this year.
not once in 2008 has there been a tear shed. i don't know
if that's bad and i don't know if that's good. But for some reason
whenever i feel like i need to cry, i just can not bring myself to.
i can't make anything come out so instead it stays inside and i keep
it to myself.

i have no life. i have no life at all. this is not a way to live a life and i do
not want to feel like this.
i am going to go over to ynez's house and cry and then have fun with her
family and their friends and hope that they care about me more than you
make me feel. all i know is that ynez does and its nice to be on your top friends
and on your mind at 6:03 in the morning several days in a row.
as well as several hours in the day. its nice to know you are thinking of me without
reminder, but i wonder what you are thinking now.
are you at home and scared to say something, which has happened before,
or are you hanging out with her and that other girl and max and that one chick or that
one girl. i don't know. just hang out with me.
i like what you say, and i like your responses. do that more.

i've told you how i feel but you always do that thing where you need constant reminder.
i don't mind, but i just want to know if that feeling is mutual.
i remember when maddie explained to me what "mutual" ment when it came to relationships,
because she explained that when paul and emily broke up it was mutual, and i didnt get it. So i asked, and madeline explained what it ment and i remember thinking "wow, that must be so great to feel that way about someone and have it returned."
i remember that exact moment.




it's weird that i haven't cried in a year.
i think i have a problem

aching.

just let me take you to the winter tree along the river
we'll see if we can wash these torn memories away from from our selfish minds
everything changes and nothing changes they say in italy
i tend to agree but here we are
underneath this tree
trying to change

waiting wishing

etc. etc.

JUST TEXT ME BACK
you jerk.




i like when you text me early in the morning,
but i hate when you disappear for the rest of the day
because i know you are probably talking to other girls
probably hanging out with other girls.
you mean a lot to me and i feel like you have this with
other people sometimes. but not always.
i hate it.


you are supposed to be hanging out with me.
right now. you jerk. nothing is ever sure with you.
and you said you wouldn't bail on me today. that
ment something ya know.

1

i want to be a priority.
but i know i am not. i have not felt like a priority
in a very long time.


sometimes you make me feel that way and i love
that feeling more than anything else.









i'm not getting that vibe right now though.
just see me.

keeping me dry

when I left
You were fast asleep
Tangled in the sheets
And on the bus I could have sworn it was all a dream
And it didn't happen to me

And I thought, be still my heart
This could be a brand new start, with you.
And it will be clear
If I wake up and you're still here with me in the morning

NOTHING MATTERS

BECAUSE YOU JUST STARTED TO





WOAH.
wow.
thank you for just asking me what i thought would never
EVER HAPPEN.