gloss

i want to scream i want to yell i want to hide
i want to cry and cuss and then mostly i just want to cry



i haven't cried once this year.
not once in 2008 has there been a tear shed. i don't know
if that's bad and i don't know if that's good. But for some reason
whenever i feel like i need to cry, i just can not bring myself to.
i can't make anything come out so instead it stays inside and i keep
it to myself.

i have no life. i have no life at all. this is not a way to live a life and i do
not want to feel like this.
i am going to go over to ynez's house and cry and then have fun with her
family and their friends and hope that they care about me more than you
make me feel. all i know is that ynez does and its nice to be on your top friends
and on your mind at 6:03 in the morning several days in a row.
as well as several hours in the day. its nice to know you are thinking of me without
reminder, but i wonder what you are thinking now.
are you at home and scared to say something, which has happened before,
or are you hanging out with her and that other girl and max and that one chick or that
one girl. i don't know. just hang out with me.
i like what you say, and i like your responses. do that more.

i've told you how i feel but you always do that thing where you need constant reminder.
i don't mind, but i just want to know if that feeling is mutual.
i remember when maddie explained to me what "mutual" ment when it came to relationships,
because she explained that when paul and emily broke up it was mutual, and i didnt get it. So i asked, and madeline explained what it ment and i remember thinking "wow, that must be so great to feel that way about someone and have it returned."
i remember that exact moment.




it's weird that i haven't cried in a year.
i think i have a problem