all that's being done

criticize

criticize 

criticize

where does that get you.

and what do you achieve.

think about it a little. 

hopless.

"you deserve every ounce of love and happiness and smiles and beauty in the world. you will have that someday, i know it and you know it, everyone does. and that kind of love and happiness and smiles and beauty that can only come in the form of a boy, you will have that again too, but even better and stronger and more lovely and happy with more smiles and more beautiful memories. any person would be crazy not to be completely in love with you like i am. you're my best friend kiah, you'll be alright, i know it and you know it, but in the mean time, when you feel broken, i am here for you, never hesitate to ask for anything. i you feel pathetic, i have been there too, and i know how you feel, but you're not, and i wasn't, no girl ever is, you're doing all the right things kiah, everything any human being will ever want or need. i love you, but you know that, i will never stop, but you know that."

i could only hope that someone in my life would ever write something like that to me.
those words are unbelievably kind.

but i'd never be worthy.

keep the work day.

Hi, I never really got around to talk.
come, come over tonight
we'll play catch up in the rainy weather
where i will kiss you on your forehead
and take your hand
so you will never leave my side
so you will never leave my side

Leave it all across the floor.

i believe in love like the movies and we'll walk barefoot through these dreams
hey, i never ever found the words to say. but meet me at the palace
and i will never try to argue again.
just sit back.

while listening to underwater

i feel small and i feel little
i don't feel brave and i don't feel comfortable

i don't feel like i have placement
i hope you still think i'm precious





i want to fall into place as neatly as i did there.

just a point

i feel emptiness.
i feel like a blank slate that will be painted over within a month
and i feel like i have no control over what i'm doing

i don't want to feel like this forever, i want to feel like i am enjoyed company.
i dont want to feel like i made the wrong choice, i didnt make the wrong choice.
but only a small portion feels like i did.

round and round and round and round

while sitting in a bathrobe

i should be happy right now. i should feel complete relief and be at peace. but i feel nervous, and anxious, and what if and what then.
i know that this was what i had to do, but i know i'm not going to ever feel as comfortable as i did there. nothing could bring back that feeling being there gave me.

comfort is something you can always find else where, but i don't know if it will compare.
on a different note, i am going to creat a list of something. i'm not sure what, but a list.
and it will be a meaninful one too. i'll post it and it will make me feel a lot better.



"be the change you wish to see in the world."

i can feel a hot one taking me down, for a moment i could feel the force

maybe to the point of tears, and you were holding on to make a point, what's the point?

i am but a clean man, stable and alone man; make it so i won't have to try, the faces always stay the same, so i face the fact that i'm just fine, i'm just fine.

ending and/or beginning.

there's more coming soon, and it's going to make you feel better; i promise.

i love

how it seems like people do not really

care anymore

ask more questions, i love answering questions

while you're reading this

stop and go read some of my blog entries from June.

WOW THE MEMORIES.

i don't even know what to say right now.

and i just realized that i have been so stressed out from school that i don't even have room in my brain to complain about my relationship with you. I guess it's a good thing, but what's filling my brain is a bad thing that's negative for my mental health.

then again, so are you...

anyways go read the june entry and comment this with your favorite quotes, for the lolz.

because i just had like a 2o minute loling session so yeah. just read that and comment this

sunday

i feel like a worthless mess.

i can't do anything in school, i can never get anything right. i can't even 

remember assignments and i print out the wrong essays and i try so hard to

always be on top of everything but then once i get to school i am shut down

by everything i have done wrong and little is ever right. and people aren't afraid

to let me know what i have done wrong but some how don't care when i have done

correctly for once in my young life.

i can't be here anymore, i can't go through this for 2 more years. i need to get out.

this isn't for me, and every one of you knows that it's not. i'm sick of the condescending

conversations and my lack of goals. but its no wonder i have no goals, i have nothing on me

to carry over to the future, i have nothing that will get me anywhere at this point. my grades 

don't amount to anything, and it's something i have to stop ignoring. i'm not going to be able to

go to college right away.the truth is i can not take anymore of this, i've tried for the past 4 years of my life to keep up with every single person i've been friends with and i can no longer compete with the people at our school. i do not belong among them and i can't kid myself anymore. this isn't working, and its come to the end where all my beating around the bush has caught up to me. i might not graduate. 

it's so different for me than you, or even you, i don't have the focus or the drive or the ambition to take on school. it's different for me when i come home, i can not work until something has to be done at the very last minute, i can not retain my focus on a simple task and i can't concentrate on one thing for more than 15 minutes. i need to constantly be doing something different or else i lose interest and focus and i feel myself losing time, but i continue to do something different than what i know i should be doing until it's almost to late, because i can only fully focus when i work under pressure from knowing i have no other time left to procrastinate. it's a weird mindset that i know no one really has, and i don't know how to deal with it. i know i have a learning disorder. i know it. i can't be like this and not have one.

i don't know what to do now.

i've felt so lost the past 2 months and it's not even going away. i don't know what to do anymore, i don't know what is going to happen.

while feeling very sick.

soon enough, i'm going to end up looking like the fuck up.

the joke will be on me and i will end up looking so ridiculous. i can sense it in the air.

i need to start thinking for myself and not just going along with what someone else is saying.

kate's right, i mold it to whatever the conversations out in fear of something going wrong.

i am in deep yit.