i slack, and lurk you, and think about what it would be like if you were still around. nothing will make this happen but you and i should stop thinking about all the potential because there is none. i'm over feeling so worthless. i'm sick of feeling so pointless and pushed to the side.

i want you to pick me up from the side and pull me back in. to one of your hugs that smell like your fierce and your camel reds and that cute little grey sweater you wear. but your mom dryed it and it shrunk and you got so upset but wore it anyways because i told you it still looked okay. and it did. but she washed it and it didn't smell like you anymore so maybe that should've been taken as a sign or something. fuck this

i need to study.

it's over.

and my heart and mind hurt more and more when i think about not being able to be with you. nothing will ever make me as happy as you did.

that's just a fact.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. "

i feel numbed, drained, and overlly dramatic.

i feel crushed, rejected, and unmeaningful.

i feel pathetic, worthless, and upset.

this is taking me back to a place i was in the summer. a place i really hopped to never be in a very very long time. nothing will make me feel better at this point but his words only. i feel like i'm never going to be worth it for anyone. there is something about me that makes me seem boring, you get over it.

don't get over it, it's to early.

what is this, and why do i feel so deeply.

fuck life.

i wish i could just be happy and secure with everything almost all the time.

why are there always the questions.

they will be the death of me.

this is so awful what i'm doing. stop it now

someone talk me out of this, i'm so serious.