This is all so unreal. On the mark of my 20th birthday, all these posts from four, three years ago. I was so depressed, so anxiety ridden. Burdened by school and heartbreak and god how could i let all those fuckers treat me as poorly as they did? I would tell my teenage self that you'll figure out who you are, you'll learn how to dress and you'll be beautiful. You'll have new friends, but more importantly still have the incredible ones from PCS. Above all i'd tell myself that you'll go to college but drop out, but you'll do so much more because of it.

i'd say you'll learn how to have a good time without a man on your side, that you'll develop a habit that most would consider alcoholism,  but you're in denial about how bad it is. I would let myself know more boys were in line to date me and fuck me over time and time again until Warren, the most unexpected relationship. which really is ironically low maintenance and stress compared to all of this stuff i had been writing about. I would say snap out of it, being boy crazy makes you a victim.

But then again i wouldnt want to tell myself anything, because i never would have learned. I would say keep writing though. Because i see now that's something i'm actually good at (woah?). I would also let myself know that Jules is a drug addicted loser who still lives at home with no legitimate job or life goals. Your boobs will get bigger to the point of being awkwardly large for your body size, all your best friends will still continue achieving amazing things but you'll learn to be unbelievably proud of them instead of a bitter jealous betch. You'll learn to love and appreciate your parents in ways you don't yet know, your mom will turn into your best friend and you and your sister will develop a whole new relationship that's x10 healthier and awesome.

but currently, for the time being...you're happy. You're proud, you're successful and for the most part you love your life and all the people who have in it, they make it go round and get out out of bed every morning. You're anxiety and stress levels will develop into spontaneous and severe panic attacks, but your depression is manageable and gets better. At twenty you are living in san francisco, you're returning to a new college in arizona in the fall, you can't wait. You'll be with your friends, you'll be with warren, and you'll continue being happy. Maybe even happier. Emma is your roommate and madeline is still the your best friend. the weeknd is the best thing since sliced bread and stop ripping out your god damned eye lashes.